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The War on Single Mothers

How systems, stigma, and silence continue to punish women for raising children alone

Trigger Warning

This article discusses issues including domestic abuse, family court trauma, poverty, and societal stigma toward single mothers. Please read with care.

💬 “You're On Your Own Now.”

For many single mothers, those words don’t come from their ex. They come from the state. From family court. From social services. From society itself. They come when a woman dares to leave an abusive partner and chooses to raise her children alone. They come when she applies for support and is met with suspicion. When she walks into a courtroom and is asked to explain herself. When she posts online and gets attacked for being “irresponsible,” “broken,” or “attention-seeking.”

In a country that claims to value family, single mothers are treated as failures, threats, or burdens. Not as women who are surviving, working, parenting, healing. Not as women doing the best they can in a system stacked against them.

This is not just social neglect—it’s a quiet war. One waged through policy, media, courtrooms, and algorithms. And it’s time we called it what it is.

👩‍👧 The Truth About Single Mothers

Let’s start with facts, not stereotypes.

There are over 2.8 million single-parent families in the UK today. Nearly 90% are headed by women. According to the Office for National Statistics, single-parent families account for 14.7% of all families in the UK. These mothers are not some fringe group—they are teachers, nurses, care workers, retail staff, full-time parents, students, survivors. Some are rebuilding their lives after abuse. Others were abandoned or made the impossible choice to protect their child. All of them deserve respect.

Yet the data paints a harsh picture:

  • 47% of children in single-parent families live in poverty, compared to 24% of children in two-parent households (Joseph Rowntree Foundation, 2023).

  • Single mothers are twice as likely to be unemployed or in insecure work due to lack of childcare support.

  • According to Gingerbread, one in three single parents experiences food insecurity.

  • A 2020 Women’s Budget Group report found that austerity policies disproportionately harmed single mothers, especially Black and ethnic minority women.

Being a single mum isn’t a crisis. But the way the state, media, and public treat single mothers absolutely is.

📰 Blame Her: The Media's Long History of Vilification

For decades, single mothers have been scapegoated for society’s failures. In the 1980s and 90s, headlines screamed about “welfare scroungers” and “teenage mums” as if they were public enemies. Politicians lined up to declare the death of the nuclear family, blaming everything from crime to poverty on women raising children alone.

The single dad, meanwhile, became a media hero. The “devoted father who stepped up” story is recycled again and again, almost always accompanied by praise, admiration, and phrases like “against all odds.” When a woman does the same thing, she’s asked:

  • “Where’s the father?”

  • “Why did he leave?”

  • “What did she do wrong?”

Instead of support, she gets cross-examined. Instead of empathy, she gets shame.

📱 Social Media: New Platforms, Old Misogyny

You’d think social media would change things—give single mothers a voice, a platform, a community. And for some, it has. But for many, especially on platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, the same double standards play out in real-time. Just with filters and comment sections.

Videos of single dads making their kids breakfast, brushing their daughter’s hair, or showing up to school events regularly go viral—with comments like:

  • “What a king!”

  • “His kids are so lucky!”

  • “Doing both jobs and still smiling—legend!”

But when a single mother posts similar content? The tone shifts.

Comments ask:

  • “Where’s the dad?”

  • “Why are you filming instead of parenting?”

  • “Maybe if you picked better men…”

The underlying message is clear: when men parent alone, they’re heroes. When women do it, they must have done something wrong to end up alone.

It’s not just casual trolling—it’s deeply ingrained misogyny, amplified by algorithms that reward performative fatherhood and punish women who tell uncomfortable truths.

⚖️ Family Court: Presumed Guilty

In family court, the war on single mothers becomes even more explicit. When women attempt to protect their children from abusive fathers, they are often accused of:

  • “Parental alienation”

  • “Overreacting”

  • “Coaching the child”

  • “Failing to support contact”

In some cases, they are even punished for raising concerns, while fathers with a history of violence or neglect are granted unsupervised access or shared custody. The burden of proof falls entirely on the mother. Her credibility is constantly questioned. Her trauma is minimised. Her strength is pathologised.

And once she’s left to parent alone? She’s still held responsible for the child’s well-being, educational attainment, emotional regulation, social development, and everything in between. If something goes wrong—it’s her fault. If something goes right, the absent father still gets credit.

🧠 Internalised Blame, Exhaustion, and Isolation

The psychological toll of being a single mother in a hostile society cannot be overstated. Many women carry deep shame, even when they’ve done nothing wrong. Others feel afraid to ask for help because they know how quickly support can turn into judgment.

Some face:

  • Post-separation abuse through legal systems or shared custody

  • Economic coercion from former partners or benefits assessments

  • Mental health struggles intensified by stigma and lack of support

  • Isolation, because no one wants to hear the truth about how hard it is to parent alone in a world that blames you for it

This isn’t about needing sympathy—it’s about needing justice, solidarity, and systems that don’t punish women for surviving.

✊ What Needs to Change

Ending the war on single mothers means changing more than public opinion. It means fighting for structural reform:

  • Stop moralising motherhood. There is no “right” family structure. Single-mother households are not broken—they’re functioning under pressure.

  • End the family court bias. Protective mothers should not be punished for raising concerns about abuse.

  • Challenge media and social platforms. We need to call out the double standards and demand representation that honours single mothers with dignity and complexity.

  • Invest in real support. Childcare, housing, trauma-informed services, and flexible work policies must be seen as essential—not luxuries.

  • Believe women. That’s where it starts. Believe that we’re not broken. Believe that our voices matter. Believe that we’re enough.

💬 Final Words from Sisters for Justice

Being a single mother is not a flaw, a curse, or a crime. It’s a reality for millions of women who refuse to stay silent, who carry their families on their backs, and who continue to show up even when the system doesn’t.

To every single mother reading this: you are not the problem. You are the proof that strength doesn’t always look like what they told us it would.

We see you. We believe you. And we’re fighting with you.

🔗 Support and Resources

If you are a single mother needing help, support, or solidarity, here are some organisations and resources that may be helpful:

You are not alone. You are not wrong. And you deserve to be heard.

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